| we are all broken |
[Apr. 8th, 2008|01:41 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | aesop rock | ] |
well, since i'm back on this thing... this, shall be my first real post.
tonight has been a night filled with coincidence and irony,
the mystery so close but, as always, so far away. I touched it though. Like when one who catches a glimpse of the paradigm of life when on acid. I touched it.
After class tongiht I recieved two phone calls from two wonderful exgirlfriends. Friends still, close friends, but odd nonetheless.
The first one showed me a vision of helping. She showed me structure and the benifit of focused work of humble reward. She also showed me that many failed relationships, or attempts thereof, were not my doing or some failing of mine, but possibly the failing of others that had nothing direct to do with me persay.
Note: this is not to say many, many, many of my failed relationships did not have something directly to do with my, frankly, self-destructive tendencies that took very little consideration of my partner and an extreme intrest in my desires or whims.
The second one showed me a vision of helping. She showed me idealism and the benefit of adventurous work and glorious reward. She showed me that some failed relationships, or the attemps thereof, were of both of our failings: failings of timing, circumstance, and deep self issues of both individuals.
I love both of these women and I'd claim one more... truly and dutily.
And yet tonight I lament. I lament lost love doomed to failure. For the true happiness, the ideal we all seek. This ideal fuels our paths through our lives. It lies behind our every goal: social activism, working in health care, teaching in schools, our art, poetry, drug use, law breaking, law upholding, our stories themes (music, literature, movies, etc.), our histroy, philosophy, and anthropology. Many deny it, disregard it; however, it is there, dormint if pushed so, but nonetheless there. It lives in us. Makes us breathe life, causes all of our caring, concern, and desire. Love. Abstract though undeniable.Tangible yet intangible. Cancer and medicine.
As a good friend of mine says... We are all broken. |
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| c5h1rGiHs |
[Mar. 31st, 2008|12:32 pm] |
yo whats up y'all.... (i.e. clay tiff and aubrey ;) ) wow nobody uses this thing anymore... anyway.. I'm doin the school thing gotta 4.0 and just got accepted into honors... uhhh my car is fixed so road trips are back on..... I still play video games like a dork just never have time for it hardly. I was in a band for a short stint recently (singing) We wrote some dope things and I'm sad to see it end so soon... but who's kidding I didn't really have the time.... I am currently procrastinating my final stint of school work for the semester... it;s just so overwhelming... but spring break helps... I've met a lot of really cool people (believe it or not) here in vero beach... even a punk club that stomps any place I ever loved in Ft. Liquordale..... oh and I have a rockin' cat.... yes that's right I've domesticated and somewhat settled down.... somewhat because I still plan on getting the fuck outta here and going to Gainsville as soon as I can graduate.... I'd like to go now... but we'll see.... and then if I can I wanna transfer to Ireland once I graduate UF... if thats even possible and it's a long ways away so really no point in talkin about it... otherwise the some old chris ( westher it's nomad chris, crusty-chris, hippie-chris, throc, or sigh to you) still blaze that good sensimillia (well, really its indica mostly not sativa but anyway) still listen to punk, jamaicqan music, and hip-hop, still talk forever and don't shut up... oh I'm less sloppy, I don't knock everything over when I'm drunk I guess thats a sign of being less outta control? I'm in school for journalism and philosophy I still work at an animal hospital... and
I dunno what else... But, I'll try and write more often.... for now, I must go study. Peace niuggahs! |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 16th, 2008|01:53 am] |
wow! I fucking forget livejournal even existed. Well, well, I suppose this is going green, right? I mean, I have pages and pages of journals...now, I can say I'm green... like BP and and NASA. Well, it's good to be back. |
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| dreams realised |
[Jul. 25th, 2006|01:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | lyrics born | ] |
wow i've neglected this thing....sorry guys...well whats new lessee...i'm finally with the love of my life....and its greater than in my dreams...the wait makes it sweet...but the bitter times i find make it profound...does that make sense? oh well it does for me... she challenges me...and tortures me....and amazes me...and perplexes me...and comforts me....and knows me...and anytime i learn something about her my spirit soars....and when we get through a problem and go through that oh so rough communication i love her more than ever...every time....this is the most real thing i've ever experienced....she is my best hopes and dreams realised......
i most likely will be returning to florida in a couple of month...but to sebastian,fl.....sorry my liquordale peeps...i miss you guys....but hello clay nad josh and of course charlene.
my objectives have been completed up here....and of course failed to meet my expectaions.....have no expectations and you'll never be let down my mom tells me...quite true.but i got my dads poetry and i've recconected with family i wouldn't have otherwise. and now its time to free myself of baggage i've neglected(credit, tickets, warrants, relations w/ the 'rents)so that i can begin a life i've dreamed of...school, activism, and love. i'm focused, determined, and have grown and learned so much....only took till i'm 24...and there's still oh so much more to learn....i'm excited...zelous...and very very happy..... |
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| you spin me right round baby........like that bitch from the exorcist |
[Apr. 4th, 2006|12:06 pm] |
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life has me spinnin'....go see v for vandetta..or better yet go to the comic store pick it up read it love it smear the pages with your juices...sooo tired..oh, so tired.....i haven't been out in the pond/forest in a while gonna go out there see if it clears my mind...maybe faith will give a ring... i love pets and how they can pick up on your emotions...if i'm in a fucked place my aunts dog follows me around, won't leave my side...it's awesome and comforting. gonna see john zerzan speak this friday(anti-civ anarchist/anthropology prof./eugene activist) that something to look forward too...might go put up posters for it today...who know's gotta call nate....but fist to the forest peace ya'll |
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| pathetic |
[Mar. 29th, 2006|03:26 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | cLOUDDEAD | ] |
well poop! i dunno bout this life i got here.... can't reach sarah...frustrating...and worrying excessively...kinda chillin' out bout it though... guess her phone's missin'... still, though, wish she'd call... got a new game, rpg, over 200 hours of game play... that'll take up some time and disallow me to think about reality..... just how many escapes does one human need....pathetic i guess...oh well. that's me! fuck it! getting money soon....tryin to figure out how to spend it...apt?...car? i dunno Poughkeepsie?, florida?!?!, anytown, u.s.a. either way really... i miss my friends. sofla crew(now that mike and jen had this baby i think about him alot, he's a bastard of a prick...but he was a good friend when it came down to it, can a burnt bridge be rebuilt.... honestly i just hope all is well and luck follows him in life), n.y. crew, sarah(obviously), my peeps in boca, orlando, and g-ville. load game, inhale, pull trigger. |
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| clap your hands if you believe..... |
[Mar. 22nd, 2006|09:20 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  restless | ] |
| [ | music |
| | empty noise of a phone set still....waiting...c'mon ring! | ] |
well i'm back from poughkeepsie.....mike riddle and jen had a baby yesterday!...c-section but all is well. i wish then the best of luck and congratulations. jack and joshie next!!! i'll write about the trip later no time now... but it should be known that it was awesome but my mind was elsewhere and stuck on a farie that got loose from my net...been trying to catch her ever since... |
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| come over....... |
[Mar. 8th, 2006|04:51 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | sole... party jam | ] |
hey everyone....... life has been pretty gay.... work-burnt out, schedule-changed-out, big decision looming anxiety but thats nowhere near as bad as the horrible pang in the chest of the lament of longing... starting to have roomate problems ( i hate living w/ someone who can't speak their mind, literally for fear of conflict avoid any issue then when it gets forced out looks at you like thats your problem....) i hate feeling uncomfortable in my own home. i miss my 'rents... can you believe that? wow! maturing can pull a number.... i need to enroll in school....need to be doing something..... my friends ended up not coming out this past weekend ( which is cool cuz i start vacation next weekend so.. i'll see alot of em,) but it made me realize how lonely and bored i'm starting to get.... i've always had friends and stuff constantly to do.. and this past year of isolation's been good but... not anymore. this is prolly all just emotion brought on by sarah magically appearing but still.... i'm ancy, restless, sleeping way to much, i wanna go to the future where all of this is figured out and just start living there.... but i guess we all want that.... like a super-fast-forward button.. well thats my depressing entry gotta throw one in every now and again..... but truly i am happy... i have many things to be happy for and excited.... writing's gotten better.....sarah....goin to poughkeepsie..... nyc on st. patty's day.... i guess i'm just impatient for the future to come.... may be i should just focus on the present enjoy it and get grounded so i can work out my plans....... for now i catch the snowflakes on my tounge quenching my thirst for the snowflake in my heart. |
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| blathers |
[Feb. 19th, 2006|05:08 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drunk | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ice on my fingers and my toes and im a taurus | ] |
wtf adult swim fri. night fix brought you by navy...theres gotta be a better pimp they could whore to. the same damn navy add before every show..metal music(shakes head solemnly) goddamn capitalism i mean a navy add before a boondocks episode.... you know what its plain ironic.... horibbly...pathetically...oh what the fuck...i'm just on a muscle relaxer..... don't mind me..... blathers |
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| rich |
[Feb. 19th, 2006|03:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | sarah aubrey | ] |
after years of listenin' to the pixies i just now learn what the spanish lyrics mean.....well i knew viva..but...yeah...
Got hair in a girl
That flows to her bones
And a comb in her pocket
If the winds get blown
Stripes on her eyes when she walks slow
But her face falls down
When she go, go, go
Black tear falling on my lazy queen
Gotta tattooed tit say number 13
Viva(live)
Don’t want no blue eyes
La loma(the hill)
I want brown eyes
Rica(rich)
I’m in a state |
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